For fear I’ll burst…

It was the graduation cards that finally sent me over the edge.

As I stood in the store reading one sentiment after the next…trying to find the words that described how I felt about The Tall Blonde as we’re heading into “graduation weekend”…knowing all the ups and downs…all the struggles it took to get everything done and come out on top…it was the shock of seeing what I wanted to say, laid out in printed form on the paper before me, that threw me for a loop.

I heard the sound before I felt the tears on my cheeks…a cross between a Pterodactyl and a Walrus…at first, high-pitched, then roaring an echo throughout me.

The sudden movement of the woman beside me broke the sound as I stood there…unable to breathe…her, quite possibly terrified, not knowing whether to perform a medical procedure or to hold me!

“My daughter’s graduating this weekend,” I managed to choke out.

“Congratulations,” she heartily responded…then handed me a lipstick-stained tissue from her pocket as we chuckled through the uncomfortable moment.

To be honest, the crying started mid-morning. A text from one of the Moms at Nationals…in Quebec with my youngest’s U14 volleyball team…stated, “Bones is back baby!!!!”

I could hear her yelling it…using the nickname to perfection and cheering my daughter on…knowing how miserable she’d been the weekend before. A stomach flu that had her in bed for days…struggling through Provincials…playing at less than fifty percent of what she’s capable of playing and feeling determined, exhausted and defeated…so much better with another week of rest behind her.

I received updates from each set…each game…each win and loss. My friend, knowing how much I want to be there to support Bones and her teammates, doing her very best to keep me in the loop…making me feel like I was part of it.

While cheering from my couch at home.

At the moment, I’m in one of those “spinny phases” where life is moving a little faster than I can keep up. It’s full speed ahead while I’m racing behind…trying to be there for everything…not miss those amazing moments…hold it all together without having a breakdown in the card aisle of the local drugstore.

This weekend, The Tall Blonde graduates. While I’m missing out on an exciting weekend of volleyball…I’ll be happily, nervously, twitching in my seat at the auditorium at St. FX…unable to sit still for fear of bursting wide open as my wonderful girl walks across the stage to receive her degree.

I’m prouder than proud and trying my best to keep it together…to not embarrass my daughter with my tears that surely won’t stay in.

And now, rather terrified that along with the tears of joy, pride and happiness…a noise may inadvertently, recklessly and suddenly…escape my chest.

Sounding like a cross between a highly-excited Pterodactyl…and an extremely proud, overjoyed, enthusiastic Walrus.