Sign of the times…

What about all the people with tattoos of their zodiac signs?  They’ve permanently been marked and now have to go through the horrid discomfort of having their outdated tattoo removed and a new one added!

Here’s the problem… apparently 3,000 years ago the signs were all made up based on the alignment of the stars and the earth and all that crap but the problem is the earth has been shifting and the stars are no longer aligned with the sun and the moon like they were when all those beautiful Greek men first came up with all of this and I have no idea what I’m talking about except one of my kids told me that Pluto is no longer a planet and now some researcher makes a big announcement that nothing is the way it used to be and all these tattoos have to be removed!

I’d say it has a lot to do with Pluto.

Apparently the earth has been moving for so long that some signs are shifted by a few days but others by entire zodiac signs!  Scorpio is only 6 days long and low and behold there’s a whole new sign called Ophiuchus… a snake… which makes total sense to me ’cause through the years I’ve met a number of snakes and could never figure out where they fit in making me sometimes have to refer to the Chinese Zodiac calendar which says I’m a monkey!

This is outrageous!

It means I’m no longer the Gemini energetic, communicative, witty individual I thought I was who knows a little something about everything and can multitask as I’m smart and fast with tons of friends but unfortunately have that dual personality making everyone around me stay on their toes cause I’m up, I’m down, I’m on, I’m off, I’m night, I’m day… I’m charming everyone but incredibly moody.

Now they tell me I’m a stable and conservative, home loving Taurus with a ton of friends who doesn’t get thrown off my game and rarely gets upset ’cause I’m like a bull who stands strong and level and true to myself when the entire world is falling apart as I’m in control and full of dignity but if you push me look the hell out ’cause I’m stubborn and loyal and committed and expect the same in return.  Also, Taurus people are really slow getting into relationships and there’s nothing you can do to speed them up but once they’re beside you they’re the most loyal and generous person you’ll ever know!

Seriously… for my entire life I thought I knew who I was and now it’s all been stripped away!

But apparently it’s o.k.

Astronomyy and Astrology don’t really follow one another as Astrology was based on seasons and not actually the constellations.  The stuff that people follow in the newspaper and base their entire relationships on is actually ok ’cause the Astrologists knew all along that things weren’t lined up the way they were 3,000 years ago.  For some reason the Astonomists are just trying to shake things up and get you interested in stars or something before the Mayan Calendar ends in 2012 but that’s not really the end of the world ’cause I think the Chinese Zodiac stuff goes on and can someone tell me what happened to Pluto?

I like the way Taurus sounds so I’m switching anyway.  I suggest you research what your new Zodiac sign would be and change the person you are.  From this point forward I’m officially a Taurus.

But the tat stays.

Here is the new and proposed Zodiac calendar in case you want to change who you are this year too!

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – Mar. 11
Pisces: Mar. 11 – Apr. 18
Aries: Apr. 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – Jun. 21
Gemini: Jun. 21 – Jul. 20
Cancer: Jul. 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sep. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20