What’s on your mind…

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About this post: With so much going on in my life at the moment, I thought I’d take the opportunity to chat about everything that’s on my mind and how I’m feeling about life in general. From Quarantine, to protests, my work life, and personal life…it’s all in the post…

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I had an expectation that I’d come out of quarantine, fit, and 30 pounds lighter.

Instead, I’m 15 pounds heavier and the only squat I’ve managed to pull off since this all began…is diddly!

Every single day, Facebook asks me what’s on my mind and I’m not sure I really want to tell the truth!

The fact of the matter is…I’m feeling uncomfortable, vulnerable, jealous, off-centered, and not quite myself. Also…I’m excited, happy, and enlightened. And…all of those emotions cycle through my heart and soul on any given day!

There’s a lot going on!

Quarantine and COVID:

For starters, we’re beginning to loosen up with our quarantine restrictions and I’m ALL OVER THE PLACE with how I’m feeling about this. I’m desperate to start doing things but the reality is, I still need to be careful with my health.

I’m not as worried as I was in the beginning, as there’s so much more we know…but still, I’m taking it all pretty seriously.

With the Premier “popping the bubble” this week:

  • I plan on hugging my kids.
  • I don’t plan on hugging my friends.
  • I plan on spending more time with the people I love.
  • I don’t plan on heading to public spaces anytime soon.
  • I’ll wear a mask when I’m out and about.
  • I can’t stand wearing a mask.
  • And it goes on and on and on…

Some of it…I’m following the guidelines set out by our government, and for others, I’m following what fits within my personal comfort zone.

Also, while I’m trying to be mindful of my health…I have to say, I’m completely jealous of the people who don’t have to be! I see friends getting together and doing things and thank goodness they’re keeping me in the loop and sending pictures and continue to invite me and check in to see what I’m comfortable with but still…I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

On top of that…I see some things that folks are doing and it feels so defeating knowing that the irresponsibility of some could keep me on the down-low a whole lot longer than I really want to be.

BIPOC Education:

Along with everything that’s going on with COVID, I’m heavily invested in educating myself about the reason why so many are protesting and the simple fact that Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour have been treated so poorly for so long! I’m exploring my part in all of this.

It’s not been an easy journey looking inward and I can’t see things getting better any time soon as there’s so much that needs to be done in order to combat years of inequality.

I’ve come up against some people who disagree with me on what it means to be white privileged and racist and it feels more than uncomfortable. I’m not one to get into confrontations…but I’m hoping the very little bit I’m doing is a start…and as I find my voice, I can even do more.

Just this week, I received a message from a “well-meaning follower” who told me they didn’t go to my Instagram stories to be “lectured” about things and that apparently I’ve “changed”. And they’re right…I HAVE changed. Over these last few weeks I’ve shared a number of resources I’ve found interesting and helpful as I’ve dug a little deeper…and it’s not going to stop. I’ve changed the way I see the world and I can’t undo what I’m seeing…so, I guess I lost a follower.

Maybe more than one.

But that’s ok. Not everyone is going to agree with me for standing up to or speaking out about, something I believe in. I know that as an “influencer” I’m meant to be “entertainment” but I also believe that most people follow me because I’m “authentic”…that I put it all out there…that I’m willing to learn…and vulnerable.

I guess I’ve just been feeling a little extra vulnerable and uncomfortable at the moment. But change can’t happen…without feeling that way.

My Work Life:

Things have picked up!

When COVID began, everything sort of bottomed out for a bit but with a lot of time and effort, I’m gaining momentum again and feeling more grounded than I did four months ago.

My influencer work is basically non-existent at the moment but I’ve focused my energy on my design work and Etsy shop and am happy to say that I’m feeling good about things again.

Did you know I was a Graphic Designer? ‘Cause here’s the thing…I took a LOT of online courses over these past few months (no…it wasn’t all Netflix and Chill…in fact, it wasn’t any “chill” at all!) and, I was super surprised to learn that many people knew about my blog work…but most didn’t know I designed!

Where’d you think I got all those fabulous graphics you like so much!!!!

To fix it, and focus a bit more on my design persona, I have a new Instagram page to share some of my work and if you like my style…give me a follow and let me know!

(PS..I’ve under 100 followers at the moment so if you jump on board, you can say you were one of the first!!)

Personal Life:

  • I got a cat!
  • My pants still fit albeit quite a bit tighter.
  • I’m sick of cooking.
  • My hair is too long.
  • I ran out of propane.
  • I ran out of wine.
  • I did a little online shopping.
  • My eyelashes are thinning.
  • The weather is nicer and I’m loving my deck (pic from today with no makeup and a burnt nose!)
  • I’ve been reading and listening to music.
  • The engine light came on in my car.
  • I’ve reconnected with an old friend.
  • I’m sleeping when I can get my brain to settle.
  • My three-month online dating was a bit of a bust but I’m rather ok to let that one go.
  • I love my weekly zoom calls with my childhood friends.
  • I celebrated my 52nd birthday and heard from so many people that it warmed my heart.
  • The kids are all happy and where that’s concerned…what more can a mom ask for.

So really, things are pretty good.

Every day is different. Some days, I’m handling it all and loving life and others…something sets me off and I take a little spin.

The Way I See It…

Here’s what I’m thinking. Summer is here. The risk for COVID at the moment is probably the lowest it’s going to be for a while so I’m going to get out there and enjoy my life a little bit more so I can unspin my brain.

That way, by the time flu season and “phase two” comes back around and I’m hunkering down for the winter…I’ll be able to settle in for the long haul again…maybe a little more prepared than I was for round one!

These are the things that are on my mind.

What about you?

6 Replies to “What’s on your mind…”

  1. Hmmm. 15 seems to be the magic Covid lb number. Don’t beat yourself up, I’m giving myself a pass over the two croissant at a time tea breaks x 3.
    What the heck did I do with my time beside walk my dogs, use my new kick ass vacuum, watch 100 webinars and help with grade eight social studies. I did do yoga at 5 am each morning…doesn’t that burn off all those croissants?
    Anyway, miss you. Let’s set up a tea date soon….zoom or in person. Whatever you think 😌

    • I’ve managed to drop the Covid pounds…now I have to work on the baby weight! 🙂

      And yes..tea date soon!!!

  2. Hang in there Colleen.Nearly everyone I speak to has gained extra weight.zI am included. Not a good feeling but trying to adjust right now.Love Aunt BettyP