Where my heart is…

I thought I’d be fine but as one cousin after the next arrived…joining the ever growing crowd…grabbing a bite of fish and chips with a can of birch beer and drinking tea around the kitchen table…catching up on the latest news and absolutely amazed at how “the next generation” have grown…I’m finding myself increasingly envious and a wee bit sad.

Growing up, I took the Island for granted yet it was never far from thought. Trips home brought me to my Grandparents…the homes my parents grew up in which would eventually be sold as time moved on. As each year went by, with each visit and each new change, it never felt like it was slipping away. The memories stayed strong and the closeness grew stronger…it continues to be my “home.”

My family of a few dozen Aunts and Uncles, my cousins…raised side by side in playpens and wading pools…separated not by distance but the lines on the map, they’re all part of what makes me who I am.

Yesterday, my cousin Alison got married. As my folks called to let me know the ceremony was starting, I could barely breathe. I hadn’t realized the tears were escaping until Mom asked if all was alright…then gave me a minute to compose myself before we said our “good-byes.”

Next week will be that much harder as my cousin Tina, who I’ve spent the most time with through the years…who met a wonderful man later in life and added a brand new baby to her already raised family…walks down the aisle in what surely will be another exceptional day of love.

I thought I’d be fine not being there and for the most part I am. Much as there’s an ache in my heart and pure jealousy that I’m not included in the astronomical amount of laughter and joy that one room could possibly hold…I can imagine it…I’m there.

With every single one of them…I’m home.

Even if only in my heart.